


(un)happiness

by moo_lan



Series: kAnoShiN [3]
Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24016882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moo_lan/pseuds/moo_lan
Summary: happy/ˈhapi/adjective1.feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.2.fortunate and convenient.Being happy hasn't ever been one of Shintaro's priorities-he wouldn't call himself a joyful person. That's the way it's been for a while now. So why is Kano so mad at him?
Relationships: Kano Shuuya/Kisaragi Shintaro
Series: kAnoShiN [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676746
Comments: 6
Kudos: 34





	(un)happiness

**Author's Note:**

> i've been stalling posting this fic for way too long now cause honestly i'm not that happy with it. but, well, it seems that the more i edit it the more dissatisfied i am with it.  
> so. yeah. have a very angsty kanoshin fic, cause this ship is causing me _so much pain_ and yet i am still very attached to it.  
> betaed by AlecScribbles  
> [warnings for non-graphic violence and reference to suicide]

Shintaro took his sandwich out of the bag and pried the package open. As if telepathically connected to food and its presence, Haruka at once moved his stare from the textbook it should’ve been fixed upon to Shintaro. More exactly, his lunch. 

“Um,” let out Shintaro, instinctively gripping his sandwich tighter.

Haruka’s tongue darted out, licked the edge of his lips. His eyes stared pleadingly into his friend’s. Faced with his puppy eyes, Shintaro had little choice; sighing, he handed him his sandwich.

“Thank you, Shintaro!” exclaimed Haruka, delighted as he took a large bite and chewed happily. 

His smile was wide enough that Ayano laughed and Shintaro grumbled “You’re welcome.”. Takane was the only one who didn’t seem amused, her eyes focused upon the hated maths textbook. She slumped against the desk, arms stretched over the whole length of it.

“Don’t wanna study,” she whined, and she stomped her feet, making it obvious to the others that her fractious mood was nothing to trifle with.

Sandwich already finished, Haruka said nothing; only hummed as he took out his laptop and turned it on.

Her eyes wide and bright, Takane turned to face him.

“Hey, Haruka~ Can I play too?”

“Sure.” She leaned forward to snatch it out of his hands, but he quickly eschewed her grasp. “After you finish.”

And with those words, he cheerfully started playing Dead Bullet -1989-. Gunshots could be faintly heard and a whine escaped Takane. She hastily started working on her homework, eyes often darting to stare at ~~Haruka~~ the laptop.

Amused, Shintaro smiled and went back to helping Ayano study -- he supposed that he was happy. As happy as he could be.

☼

Shintaro wouldn’t necessarily call himself a happy person, but after certain events took place, even he could tell that what he felt was a far cry from happiness.

There was no-one next to him where he was sitting on the rooftop of the school instead of where he was supposed to: with the others, where the end-of-school assembly was probably being held. He stared up at the sun. Frowned at it. It was the first time he considered a giant ball of fire cold. But cold it was, as distantly as it stared at him from afar, even if it had witnessed so many deaths and done nothing to stop them.

Far away as it was, the rooftop held no appeal to Shintaro. And yet, all of a sudden he found himself walking towards it, crouching in front of the safety metal net, and staring down at the faraway ground. A bitter smile found its way to his lips. He dimly wondered if _she_ had also stared down at the ground before taking that extra, irreversible, step.

“Shintaro!” called a cheerful voice behind him, and he whipped around, searching for the source of the ~~painfully~~ familiar sound.

The rooftop was still empty except for him.

As empty as the next two years.

☼

“I’m _telling_ you, I’m not the one who drank it!” insisted Momo, fear evident in her face as she drew back from him; her back hit the couch’s armrest and she gulped.

Unfazed by her pleas, Shintaro held up the damning evidence; the can of soda had been well hidden, and he had almost missed it; but after finding it, discovering who had hidden it was easy enough.

Whimpering, the suspect drew her hands over her face.

“Shintaro-kun, what are you doing, bullying your sister like that- I’m the one who drank it!” declared a cheerful voice from behind Shintaro. Momo instantly bolted, glad to have the attention away from her.

Turning to face the culprit, Shintaro was displeased to find that Kano didn’t seem concerned in the least. 

He held up the can of soda.

“What do you have to say in your defence?”

Grinning, Kano let himself fall on the couch, crossing his legs and looking Shintaro straight in the eye.

“Nothing. You’re not in _your house_ , are you now,” he chuckled, but his voice had a dangerous edge to it.

As a general rule, Shintaro knew how to deal with two of the (four) Kano Shuuyas he currently knew: 

He could handle the grinning Kano- who had an alliance with Ene and made fun of Shintaro in the way only a friend would.

The one who smirked and schemed daring plans, who trusted Shintaro and thought him ‘interesting’, was _almost_ his friend; Shintaro was familiar and somewhat comfortable with that Kano.

(Then there was also ‘Shuuya’, but that was the rarest of them all.)

He did not, however, know how he was supposed to behave with the one he was currently facing:

Who jabbed and stabbed at spots where Shintaro’s armour was slightly cracked. The one who seemed to hate him- to blame, to _damn_ , him for what his sister had gone through before her…

… before her ~~suicide~~ death.

“Um.”

How was he even _supposed_ to respond to that?

Laughing, Kano stood up.

“I was just **kidding** ,” he grinned, but his eyes weren’t amused as he leaned closer to him while still maintaining a healthy distance.

Shintaro decided to ignore how he had tensed as soon as Kano had moved. And that, weirdly enough, the blonde’s golden eyes were breathtaking this up close. It wasn’t the moment for that. It was never the moment for that. The boy _despised_ Shintaro.

“Um.” He hesitated. “Haha?” Forcing a grin, he tried to pretend that he actually believed Kano for a single moment. Not that anyone would actually miss how threateningly focused his eyes were as he stared straight at him. Did he really hate him that much?

No matter. Shintaro knew he deserved it.

Taking a step back, he tore his eyes away from Kano’s catlike gaze. His gut churned painfully as, from a photograph on the wall, Ayano smiled at him, as cheerful and friendly as she always ~~was~~ had been.

“I… I have to go home now.” A lie. “My mom asked me to come earlier today.” She hadn’t. And they both knew it.

Fully aware of that, Shintaro stepped farther from Kano. His back met the couch’s armrest and he stumbled, but he quickly turned and headed for the door, trying to keep himself from breaking into a run. He failed.

The door slammed as he left the house, and Kano was once more alone.

Sighing, he let his grin drop, and fell back onto the couch. Head leaned back, he blankly stared at the shadowed ceiling. 

“What am I even doing,” he sighed.

The darkness didn’t answer.

(At least, not this time- not anymore.)

☼

Cold wind whipped at his already frozen skin as Shintaro stepped closer to the rim of the rooftop. He peered down. Smiled grimly. Stepped back. Neared again. Sat down, feet dangling from the edge.

Took a deep breath.

“Shintaro.”

He didn’t turn. It wasn’t real anyway.

“ _Shintaro,_ ” insisted Ayano, her voice confused and pained.

She wasn’t real.

Ayano wasn’t here.

Aware of that, Shintaro didn’t turn.

 ~~Her dim presence~~ The hoax soon vanished.

“...Shintaro?” 

This was a different voice. Possibly, it wasn’t only different, but also real- at least, more _real_ than the first had been. Still, he didn’t turn. Just kept looking down at the ground.

“Damn it, Shintaro!” 

Suddenly, Shintaro was being grabbed by the shoulder, pulled back, and pushed to the ground, away from the ledge. Black eyes flicked upwards, distractedly glancing at ~~the nuisance~~ his saviour; they widened.

“ _God damn it,_ Shintaro!” Shuuya pulled him into a hug, and it wasn’t gentle or comforting; it was on the bridge of ‘violent’, desperation seeping into it. 

The blonde shook as he embraced Shintaro, who realized with a start that Shuuya was crying- sobbing as he pulled back and stared at him.

“Were you going to-” A thick swallow and he looked away then back at him again. His mask had been discarded, and tears were freely flowing down his cheeks.“-to follow Ayano?”

Shintaro’s eyes widened. How could he even dare think of… jumping, when he knew what Shuuya and the rest had gone through? What Shintaro himself had gone through, these two years of solitude?

His chest tightened. He didn’t deserve to… 

He frowned as he felt emptiness fill him.

If he didn’t deserve to live nor to die, what _was_ he supposed to do?

Shuuya, all of a sudden in cat form, did the only thing he knew how to do that managed to cheer up others. Warm in face of the biting wind, he curled up next to Shintaro, pressed against his side and loudly purred.

Blankly staring towards the edge of the rooftop, Shintaro gently petted the black cat.

Maybe he could figure it out later.

☼

But then it was ‘later’, and he still hadn’t figured it out.

Yet it was the last thing on Shintaro’s mind as the snake laughed, the outburst gleeful and echoing against the walls of the laboratory. It made the boy’s skin crawl. 

Momo screamed. The sound was far away- and before Shintaro could reach her, she was on the ground and unmoving. Her blood pooled around her.

Shintaro balled up the grief and pushed it down, to deal with it later. His throat constricted and he swallowed.

A chortle, and the sound was nearer now. Behind him?

Who from the Mekakushi Dan- which person he loved dearly- was behind him?

_Kano._

[The movies lie.]

Shintaro turned around, running towards where he had last seen Kano. The laboratory was unnecessarily large, he noticed as his eyes darted around for a certain black parka.

Paralyzed, he stopped when he glimpsed a blonde head.

[Death isn’t some dramatic, drawn-out moment of emotion and love confessions.]

Kano was on the floor. Terribly still.

[In fact,]

Trembling, Shintaro knelt next to him. Shuuya turned his head to look at him; he was still grinning. There was blood on his lips and chin.

The smile froze and he was still.

[it’s horribly sudden]

Shintaro started crying.

All around him, the screams of his friends echoed against the darkened walls of the laboratory.

[And you don’t get to say goodbye.]

Mary wailed, loudly and overflowing with despair. Around them, time was turned back and the world was brought back to its beginnings.

[Shintaro wouldn’t necessarily call himself a happy person, but after certain events took place, even he could tell that what he felt was a far cry from happiness.]

**Author's Note:**

> hate those POV shifts that are so hard to rewrite. my lazy ass left it like that, damn it.
> 
> and yes. i am going to keep writing major character death in this fandom until i manage to get it right.
> 
> on another note, you can see in my kanoshin writing just how much 'hatred' by chibitalex has affected me. like wow, that fic is amazing.


End file.
